A Few of My Favorite Things...

Ever have something that you absolutely LOVE??? For me, hands down, its the Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy!! Nothing else has the ability to get you in trouble when you spontaneously LAUGH OUT LOUD at a most inappropriate moment as you're reading a friend's email and a Deep Thought is tagged on at the end...or maybe you and your friends try to make the Deep Thoughts match the subject matter in your emails? And everyone has their favorite Deep Thought. Here are some of my personal favorites:

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

As a young boy, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words: "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that.

I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to learn.

Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

As the snow started to fall, he tugged his coat tighter around himself. Too tight, as it turned out. "This is the fourth coat crushing this year", said the sergeant as he outlined the body with a special pencil that writes on snow.

Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.